After a fucking unforgivably long brief intermission, Becandcall is delighted to bring you Root Shoot Marry: the Comedy Edition, courtesy of the lovely and burgeoning H&B, who suggested the theme so long ago that she might not even have been up the duff at the time.
(Quick idiom quiz: Would that mean she was actually down the duff?)
Now, it may be obvious to some but in case you haven't thought this through yet, it's almost impossible to find a truly gorgeous comedian. Do pretty people have better ways to make a living? Probably. Do odd-looking kids develop humour as a schoolyard defence? Usually. Does this mean they're un-rootable? Not on your nelly.
Survey after survey about sex appeal will turn up "sense of humour" as a big turn-on for men and women alike. Ok, the men are just lying in order to impress the researchers - but let's give them credit for knowing that they should be turned on by a sense of humour, shall we?
In other words, you have NO EXCUSE not to follow the rules this week and pick one to wed, one to bed and one to be deader than dead.
(Just one more aside before the game: I recently read someone on the blogosphere protesting the word "comedienne" - quite right, an' all that, but I'm using it this week purely for practical purposes of gender division. You'll see later why I can't go with "funny men/wome n". Don't get grouchy.)
The Comedians
First up, Robin Williams. You wanted Mindy to kiss him; you wanted him to keep grooving on his radio show in Vietnam; you just plain want him, and you know it.
Robin Williams on women:
"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars: just intense negotiations every 28 days"
Robin Williams on men:
"God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
Robin Williams on his job:
"When in doubt, go for the dick joke."
Moving on to John Cleese. The first man ever to make me fall off my chair laughing. I was 14 and he was doing The Department of Funny Walks. He got me 10 years later with his French and Russian accents, too...
John Cleese on politics:
"If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking Do you want fries with that?"
John Cleese on food:
"If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?"
John Cleese on his job:
"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited."
And finally
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Oh Kermy, are you still waiting for me? Robin Williams has some nerve copying Kermit's pose here, if you ask me. Kermit The Frog on puns: "Time's fun when you're having flies." So off you go! Shoot, shag, marry. This girls will be a separate post as - you can probably tell - my editor is doing strange things to me just now and I'd like to get at least this much posted before my html explodes. mtc Bec