Right, you lot. I have 150 seconds left in my morning to write (rewrite, damn you interwebs) this post and get some tiny shred of online credibility back in my life. Fortunately, the tragi-comedy of the 2010 Federal Election pretty much writes itself, and as long as I don’t pander to foreigners this time (no backstory here - go Google them if you don’t get it) we might just make it.
You know the rules? Of course you do. And if you don’t, may I again introduce Google, Your Friend for “Root Shoot Marry Rules”.
Onward then (90 seconds to go).
Your choices begin with Tony Abbott - the Mad Monk, Mr Budgie Smugglers, Fittest Pollie on the Planet
AND Malcolm Turnbull - the Man who Might Have Been; an extraordinary millionaire climate change believer or just another Liberal?
And finally, of course. Kevin ’07. The guy who set the scene for the most presidential campaign we’ve ever had, only to be brought undone because he was perhaps too, well, presidential.
The Women (35 seconds - can I make it?)
I couldn’t resist the Woman’s Weekly photo and I give thanks and full credit to whoever took it. I’m in need of a new mugshot myself, if only we did them like this at work...
And that’s the problem with being the first female prime minister isn’t it? You can never just be the PM, you can never just be a politician. You have to be the childless one with the invisible hairdresser for a partner. And if she had kids, and a surgeon husband I contend that that’s still all we would know about her. (I give you exhibit A - banking CEO Gail Kelly - and no, I don’t have time to add a stupid link, I’ve already wasted five seconds on that stupid rant and I have to get this stupid post finished).
Maxine McKew - former star recruit, 2007 giant killer in Bennelong, one-term-wonder. What do you think?
Finally, Julie Bishop. I’d have loved to see her take up the LNP leadership - think of the Julie & Julia headlines we could have had! Deputy Opposition leader and possibly about to be Deputy PM as Julia was before her... Possibly the best non-bottled thing to come out of WA - did anyone else see her stare=out competition performance on the Chaser’s Yes We Canberra?
That’s it, 3 seconds left.
Make it worth it folks. Root ‘em, Shoot ‘em, Marry ‘em and tell your friends.
And maybe, if I can do one this fast, there will actually be mtc.